All in the Family
by Elisabell-angel enraged
Summary: Sachiko Reminisces over her life, and tries to find out exactly what she wants to do. Angsty PG Oneshot


**Week #21 - Sachiko **

**Title**: **All in the family**  
**Rating**: **PG**  
**Pairings/Characters**: **Sachiko, Sayu, Light/Raito, Soichiro, small appearances by the task force**  
**Warnings**: **Angsty, Deppression, resentment, some denial**  
**Word Count**:

A/N: The POV will be Sachiko's. It's first person.

I could barely feel the rain on my skin as I walked toward the small gravestone. One of Soichiro's subordinates is pushing Sayu's wheelchair behind me. As always, I pay them no mind. They always do that for me, because they know that if one of them doesn't push Sayu around then she's just going to stay by the car. I had stopped doing it, because the thought didn't seem to cross my mind. I simply kept my focus ahead of me, and on the growing pain in my chest.

We were visiting him again, I had done so quite often lately. The gravesite was the one place I had left, where I could act like a mother, again. As I approached, I felt the sting of tears growing in my eyes and I hastened my pace. My feet stopped a foot in front of the small stone.

All it had was a name and a date. Raito Yagami, 02/28/1986 - 01/28/2010... There was no caption, there was no decoration... I couldn't put anything like that on my Raito's grave, he wasn't like that. This grave suited him more, simple yet efficient. Tears rolling down my cheeks, I simply stood there for a moment. My fingers traced the first line of his name, I had a hard time believing that my son had died... My son? Raito?... The words couldn't register in my mind. At home, I would open the door to his bedroom in vain. Wishing that he would be there, studying as he always had been.

More tears fell, and the others were trying to comfort me. Aizawa was patting my back, and Matsuda was holding out a tissue for me. I did not respond to either of them. They were not even there in my eyes. What did they know? What gave them the right to tell me it was alright? I just wanted them to leave me alone, alone with my son. They shouldn't even be allowed near his grave. They did not tell him how dangerous his job was. It was their fault. That's all there was to it.

"Mom, where is my lunch? I'm going to be late if I don't get it soon."

I blinked, and smiled. That voice could only be Raito's. Aizawa looked at me in confusion when I smiled, though I simply ignored him, I wanted to stick with this perfect memory.

"I'm right here, dear." That was me back then, always cheerful, always motherly. I remembered that I came into the hall quickly and handed him a silver bento box wrapped in dark blue cloth.

"Did you put in onigiri?" Raito asked, looking up at me with those curious eyes.

"Of course," I said confidently. I chuckled slightly at the look on his face.

"With Umeboshi?" My son asked, narrowing his eyes in a suspicious look.

"Of course," I repeated. Only then did Raito smile confidently, muttering a 'good' to himself mostly.

I was dissapointed that I would have to turn my attention away from my son, to call my daughter who was wasting far too much time getting dressed and doing her hair. I bet if I told Sayu back then that I would be doing her hair and changing her clothes for her every day, she would laugh and roll her eyes. "Sayu," I impatiently trilled. "You're going to be late."

A second later, Sayu ran out of her room, trying to tie her hairbow with one hand, while the other clung to her school bag. A peice of buttered toast was hanging from her mouth in a vain attempt of breakfast. I held out her bento for her. Silver just like Raito's, but hers was wrapped in a small pink cloth.

The second I turned back to say goodbye to Raito, I realized that he'd already left. That was the first time he'd ever left without saying goodbye, and something about that just made my chest hurt.

I was snapped back to reality, because I realized that Aizawa was attempting to talk to me. I simply turned to him, and said nothing, just giving him a blank look. I hadn't heard what had been said, but I didn't really care at the moment. Walking back to the car in silence, I glanced at Sayu in her wheelchair. She wasn't even crying, at her brother's grave. That blank look of her face made me want to yell at her, maybe even slap some sense into the girl... But no... I could never do that.

Opening the car door, I sat down on the seat, simply watching the rain hit the window. Soon after Raito's death I realized that I had grown to slightly dislike Sayu. No matter how wrong it had sounded when I thought it, I knew it was true. She was my daughter, and yet, I couldn't help but dislike her. Ever since she was kidnapped by some unknown lunatic, she was never the same. Never the cheerfull girly thing that she was before. Now, she seemed to be nothing more than a doll. She never speaked, she never moved, she rarely even blinked. She wouldn't sleep unless she was given drugs, and her expression never seemed to change. Earlier in my life, I had wished for a quieter calmer Sayu, but now that I had it, I didn't think I could take it.

Now that I thought about it, Sayu was not the only one who had changed. I had changed much too. Before I was the normal doting housewife, loyally taking care of my family, and doing exactly what was expected of me. Now, I was simply detatched from everyone and everything I knew. I rarely left the house unless I needed groceries or else to visit Raito's or Soichiro's grave. Talking to any of my friends or relatives had been hastily put aside as I became more and more distant. Days turned to nights and weeks turned to months, and I barely realized it. Each day was so empty and so silent.

Everything had been taken from me, my husband was gone, my son was gone, my daughter was as good as gone. Was I the only one left in the family? Was I the only one alive? Families should always stick together... So maybe, I should perhaps follow them into the silent abyss of death. Maybe only then could I have peace. Maybe then, I could be a mother again.


End file.
